I wonder if you felt the same way I did. Back then, I was completely oblivious to that and I didn't know it was me you were talking about. But when I look back on it now, I realize that it was me you were talking about when we sat outside the school. I don't know how I couldn't have realized that.
Do you remember the day we first met? I remember it fondly because it was the first time I talked to you. And it was the day you ruined my favorite shirt. I still haven't forgotten about it.
When I was walking towards you that day, I remember that my heart started pounding so hard, I thought that I was going to die. I became so disoriented and then you ran right into me. I laugh at it now, thinking about how I must've looked with spaghetti sauce all over me. You looked at me with a look only you could give. But then everyone started laughing at me and I was just so shy back then. I ran away, crying.
When I think about what happened after that, I laugh even harder. I stood in the bathroom trying to get the spaghetti off of me and from my shirt. My favorite white t-shirt was stained with pasta sauce. I was so embarrassed and I didn't want to go back out wearing that. But my knight on shining armor came to my rescue.
You ran into the bathroom and just stood in the doorway and looked at me. I was so embarrassed. No girl wants to let a boy see her crying with pasta sauce all over her shirt. But you were so nice and kind. You must've apologized to me at least a hundred times. You must've been the only person who was sympathetic towards me. You offered me a change of clothes that were three sizes too big for me that I wore anyways. I looked so silly in your clothes, but I actually laughed about it. It was nice to be able to laugh. I must've thanked you a hundred times and promised to return the clothes the next day.
When I saw you the next day, you were talking and laughing with your friends. You saw me and smiled and waved and I stood in the middle of the hallway, frozen in fear. I got frustrated with myself and my shy nature and I turned the opposite way and ran. I'm sure your friends thought I was weird. I'm sure you thought I was weird. I even thought I was weird. But the truth is that I was just a shy and timid girl.
I sat outside the school on the stairs with your clothes until you, once again, found me and sat next to me on the stairs. We didn't say anything for a long time and just looked ahead. But I finally said something and I still remember the conversation exactly.
"Do you have someone you like?" I said, now looking down at my shoes and hiding my embarrassment.
Again, we sat there for awhile in silence. When you didn't answer, I looked up from my feet and saw you looking and me and smiling at me. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach.
"I do," you finally said. "What about you?"
I felt my face burn and turn red and I looked away from you and back at my feet again. I wanted desperately to tell you who it was. I wanted to tell you the truth. I wish I did.
"Yes," I said.
But the rest of the time we spent is erased from my memory. I can't remember for the life of me what happened afterwards. I can't remember talking to you after that. All I remember is our brief meeting. The time I remember with you was short, but it was one of the best times of my life. I still consider you, Alan, to be my first love and I wish I could've told you that then. I wish I wasn't as shy as I was then, I wish I was more confident like I am now. But at least you know how I feel now.